Bondage of Self Exposed

When I asked God to relieve me of the BONDAGE OF SELF, I wasn’t sure what I was asking for—it was just part of the Third Step Prayer, but my sponsor instructed me ask God’s help for writing down where I had been resentful, fearful, etc. This was done in a spontaneous manner without mind-filtering. This allowed honest and unchangeable information for use in my Fourth and Fifth Steps. Consequently, on Steps Six and Seven, there it was: the bare and exposed ingredients of THE BONDAGE OF SELF!

I was surprised how many hidden little devils (defects, shortcomings) existed deep in my subconscious and how they had unknowingly influenced my conscious mind. Although I felt confident that I would never drink again, those invisible demons continued to chant louder and louder: “The day may come when we can drink again—and it may be tonight!” . . . and at one point I almost did! Thank God I didn’t, but at that point I began to realize that the BONDAGE OF SELF was separating me from the truth in drink. No wonder I couldn’t stay sober before coming to AA!

Although, dramatically weakened, it still chatters to this day. However, page 55, speaks of: “. . . a Great Reality deep down within us” (God). Dr. Carl Jung tells us that we have both demons and angels competing for control of our subconscious (He calls them archetypes). Luckily, a vital spiritual experience (p. 27) can allow the angels to become dominant! This is what Steps Ten and Eleven are all about! Even so, I can still hear those aggressive little devils (committee) down there just chattering away. They say: “Ain’t it awful!” Aren’t they awful!” “Aren’t you awful!” . . . and like that. They are too smart to suggest drinking at this point but I know that is what they are leading up to.

The BONDAGE OF SELF is no longer a solid wall denying the truth to pass through (I cannot drink on the truth), but has become so porous that taking a shot of whiskey no longer occurs to me. I believe I have been awarded “a personality change sufficient—just enough—to bring about recovery from alcoholism (p. 567). Thank you God!

By Bob S., Richmond, Indiana