decisions of the mind
Decision of the Mind
November 25, 2016
peace of mind in aa
Peace of Mind and a Quiet Heart
November 25, 2016

When I asked God to relieve me of the BONDAGE OF SELF, I wasn’t sure what I was asking for—it was just part of the Third Step Prayer, but my sponsor instructed me ask God’s help for writing down where I had been resentful, fearful, etc. This was done in a spontaneous manner without mind-filtering. This allowed honest and unchangeable information for use in my Fourth and Fifth Steps. Consequently, on Steps Six and Seven, there it was: the bare and exposed ingredients of THE BONDAGE OF SELF!

I was surprised how many hidden little devils (defects, shortcomings) existed deep in my subconscious and how they had unknowingly influenced my conscious mind. Although I felt confident that I would never drink again, those invisible demons continued to chant louder and louder: “The day may come when we can drink again—and it may be tonight!” . . . and at one point I almost did! Thank God I didn’t, but at that point I began to realize that the BONDAGE OF SELF was separating me from the truth in drink. No wonder I couldn’t stay sober before coming to AA!

Although, dramatically weakened, it still chatters to this day. However, page 55, speaks of: “. . . a Great Reality deep down within us” (God). Dr. Carl Jung tells us that we have both demons and angels competing for control of our subconscious (He calls them archetypes). Luckily, a vital spiritual experience (p. 27) can allow the angels to become dominant! This is what Steps Ten and Eleven are all about! Even so, I can still hear those aggressive little devils (committee) down there just chattering away. They say: “Ain’t it awful!” Aren’t they awful!” “Aren’t you awful!” . . . and like that. They are too smart to suggest drinking at this point but I know that is what they are leading up to.

The BONDAGE OF SELF is no longer a solid wall denying the truth to pass through (I cannot drink on the truth), but has become so porous that taking a shot of whiskey no longer occurs to me. I believe I have been awarded “a personality change sufficient—just enough—to bring about recovery from alcoholism (p. 567). Thank you God!

By Bob S., Richmond, Indiana

Staff
Staff
Like this story? Join thousands of other A.A.'s who receive new stories each month delivered right into their inbox.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of the AA Cleveland District Office.