Step Four at a Glance

My sponsor, wisely, did not allow time for fear to develop before writing my Fourth Step. He pointed out that the Big Book indicates that we are to begin Step Four “at once!” (p. 64). It seems like only seconds after we prayed the Third Step Prayer that he laid out four sheets of paper with respective headings of Selfishness, Dishonesty, Resentment and Fear. I was to write: “God help me I am writing my inventory” under each of these words.

I was informed that I was not capable of enough honesty to do this alone. I needed God to help me. (After all a week or so before I had marched into a bar and almost spoke out: “Gin and tonic, please” —Thank God I didn’t). Obviously, my mind lied, so I did, indeed, need Gods help!

The Oxford Group called this ‘automatic writing.’ If the words did not come from deep within, I was not to write them. No thinking allowed! I believe more honesty landed on those papers in a few minutes than many weeks out of my good-keen-intellectual-alcoholic-mind.

This was not exactly Step Four, but it brought about honest information for the upcoming Fourth Step function.

Then from page 65 of the Big Book I learned how selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear had negatively affected me—and others. These were the very ingredients of the “bondage of self” I had asked God to remove in the Third Step Prayer! I needed to learn how to face and be rid of these aspects of my personality. How? I didn’t even know what they were! I believe such understanding is a vital function of this step. The Big Book refers to the above four character defects as our “Grosser handicaps.” (p. 71)

I was taught how to face and be rid of repeating thoughts of anger (resentments) on page 67. The same for irrational fears on page 68. I came to realize how dishonest and selfish I had been by my sexual conduct on pages 69 and 70. This vitally important information was necessary to adequately do Step Five with my sponsor and to be willing to ask for God’s help in Steps Six and Seven (p. 76). Honest information from this step was even helpful in Steps Eight and Nine because I had listed my harms to others on page 70.

I was taught to remain continually aware of these “Grosser handicaps” because they crop up in Step Ten all through the day and in Step Eleven before going to bed at night. Step Four is a learning process to be used in the maintenance Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve for the rest of my life.

By Bob S.